A to P of Foodie Ailments

How to recognize you are suffering from Foodie-Fatigue.

Turn on the tellie, flick through a mag or cock an ear to the radio and you’d be forgiven if you thought food identities had taken over the media.

Are you getting exhausted by the prolongation of patronizing pontificating from provision peddling personalities?

Recent maladies presenting at local GP’s include:

Ale-ergy-Alergies to non-hand crafted beers

Beri beri-consuming too many berries in summer

Chicken parmipox-consuming too many parmis

Clamidia-ingesting too many clams

Cookbookomania-the excessive compulsion to collect cookbooks

Type 2 Diabeeties-lifetsyle disease bought on by excessive canned beetroot consumption

Congeestive heart disease-too much congee

DFS: Degustation Fatigue Syndrome- falling asleep while trapped at the table for hours

Dehydration-the excessive use of ones food dehydrator

Erectile dysfunction-A male chef pre-occupation with building towers of food

Congenial herpes-acquired through too much work colleague fraternisation at the boozer after hours

Foragitis-a hypothermia related ailment for chefs constantly scrounging in laneways and creeks

Hip-atitis A-Affected hipsterism

Hip-atitis B-Bogan foodie trying to be hip

Hip-atitis C-Conceited hipsterism

HIV-Hipster infection virus-Occurs when one hipster arrives at a hipster free workplace, then one by one they all get infected.

Human en papilottevirus-the obsessive compulsive disorder of wrapping all ones food in parchment paper

Hyperthermomixosis-the inability to cook anything without talking about how you could do it in your Thermomix.

IBS: Irritable Baker Syndrome-Condition presenting when artisan bakers get overlooked to feature in one of Dan Lepards books

Intolerancezemia-being allergic to every single food item put in front of a person

Tweezopia-excessive use of tweezers by a chef

Montezumas revenge-Diahorrea caused by jumping on the Mexican food bandwagon

Potulism-poisoning from using the same unwashed cooking utensil

Paralytic Gastroenteritis-getting a tummy bug from a late night kebab after a bender

 Q to z to follow