Have you been to that new place and are you really ready?

A twitter conversation between Ed Charles, Stuart Knox and myself on twitter regarding 'what customers want' prompted my liitle paean.

Disclaimer: To my keenly frequent and anonymouse grammer/spelling/poetry/short-story critic, please be gentle-I'm only having fun.

When you leave your house for dinner
You’re seeking something unique
Things you could never cook at home
But not from Larousse Gastronomique

It must be somewhat modern
Pickled smudges & foraged flowers
Not some retro-throwback
Like a foodie-Austin Powers

So you venture far and venture near
To the hottest place for geezers
Apparently they serve food on bricks
And one eats the food with tweezers

You’ll need detective skills to find this place
and it’s just impossible to book
Where attitude can come in big dollops
Especially if you don’t fit the look

In the queue outside you rub shoulders
With people that share similar expectations
Like being treated as some sheep
With hunger-pain tribulations

You finally get a table
Time to relax and look at the carte
You scan up and down the page
Wild panic rising in your heart

This place has those chefs with tatts
Who toil and sweat and pose
Like those bad-boy wannabees
On the telly shows

The menu seems to be full of
Ingredients of which you cannot equate
Like bits of this and bits of that
And prices to make one faint

One such dish, minimalist at its core
And plain for all to see
a solitary onion and a pear
you’ll have to order three

The courses keep on coming
But no sign of a chicken breast
And some starch would be nice
So you smile and pray for the best

“What’s wrong?” the waiter asks
Seeing your half eaten foam-gellee
“It’s not you it’s me” you say
“My eyes were too big for my belly”

So you swig your drink and you pay your bill
And make your way toward the door
And the doorman gives you a look
That says: ‘You won’t be back for more’

His wise words, “Comfort food, that’s your thing,
There’s no shame in feeling this way,
Some people just don’t get what we do
Perhaps you will one day?”

You thought your boundaries needed pushing
But your senses found way too exciting
All the time you were aching for
Some chips and deep-fried whiting

Ok Ok, you’ve tried the hip new thing
But it’s clearly not for you
Better get back to your mums old house
For her famous Irish Stew.