Tuesday, June 28, 2011

What type of food blogger are you?

Since all of us who have a blog about food have been unceremoniously dumped into the bubbling pot that the New Larousse Gastronomique has deemed ‘Alimentaires blogueur à soupe’, I feel its time to dissect us into easy, bite-sized sub categories.

I SO wanted to give examples here but thought that might ruffle too many feathers ha ha!

Chefs or restaurateurs who blog
These exponents tend to use their blogs primarily as a medium to advertises their particular establishments, trouble is most people don’t get past the ‘And here’s where I work’ bit.

Amongst visiting copious eateries and critiquing them much of their focus is steered toward that holiest of holy grails-being the very first to review the latest hip place.

The ‘what I ate last night’ crowd
Totally pre-occupied with explaining in excruciating detail, the contents of their bowl of Weetbix and milk

The Arbiters
This lot just post random stuff that we are meant to take as profound, they rarely, if ever engage with other bloggers as they’ve apparently said all there is to say on the subject

The groupies
A kind of fan-boy blogger always trying to engage with their idols on line barely unable to conceal their sycophantic glee. Close cousin to a Cyber stalker actually.

My life is so dreamy and your isn’t
These bloggers are responsible for affluenza-like symptoms of envy in readers as they grow, harvest and cook in their desirable homes which resonate with overwhelming creativity and appreciation for the aesthetic life. A difficult life to emulate from one’s council flat.

The Literary wannabe
Probably the least read of the tribe. Pepper their posts with writerly posturings and clumsy literary references that any grade five kid could recognise.

The camera wielders
Like all, exhibitionists, they’ll jump at any opportunity to unzip their fly and flop out their ginormous, long and hard new lens at the table. Truth is they all hate food & restaurants and would prefer just to talk about their cameras

The cutesy, anime or girly-girl blog
Upon viewing theses blogs you are battered by a fully loaded saccharine assault on your senses with splashes of lolly pop colours, cuddly cartoon characters and baby doll fonts. Not sure what they are about as I’m too busy having a hyperglycaemic moment

The ‘I’ve got one foot in both camps’ blogger
The tern running with the foxes and hunting with the hounds was coined to describe these opportunistic fence-sitters. As we all know, one day you’ve got to nail your colours to the mast- need I go on with the metaphors?

The freebie grubber
This lot give our whole potage a bad rap simply because whenever a journo has a slow news day and intends to do a hate-job on bloggers, they invariably get trotted out, of course that’s once their snouts can be lured away from the trough.

Special interest groups
So fantastically niche specific, other than being a person that shares these specific tastes, chances are you’ll go to the grave not ever knowing about them. Their stat counters only go up to number ten.

The food allergy-malady
Mind numbingly hard reading with exhaustive research on why they suffer from excessive wind because of high fructose, gluten, msg, dust mites, pollen or whatever the latest public enemy number one additive is in food.

The back to earthers
This lot seem to be stuck in a fantasy-land construct of pre-industrial revolution agrarian nirvana in which time has apparently stood still. Totally determined to do things the hard way and conveniently ignoring the fact that they use technology to capture every soil-turning Kodak moment

Sustainable ethicurean locavores
Militant conscience prickers whom were perhaps school prefects in another life. Ready to pounce and tut-tut just as your fork reaches your lips with: “Is that Local. Once-happy-animal. organic, sustainable and ethical Spag-Bol you’re about to scoff?”
Can be exhausting reading and you leave never feeling good enough.

Anyway I’ve had fun and perhaps you could add a few of your own. Who said bloggers can’t have a laugh at our own expense? For the record, I ‘m in at least three of those categories-just getting in first!


katie said...

What about the "I've been everywhere, man" blogger. Been everywhere, oft cited as a prolific resource, but never espouses an opinion on anything. Descriptions are peppered with adjectives that contain no opinon on how the food actually tastes.

Rita said...

Hah! What can I say? Love your work! Great post! x

Anonymous said...

Go on Steve, live dangerously and give examples - makes things so much more interesting.

Mr Lonely said...

nice blog... have a view of my blog when free.. http://www.lonelyreload.com (A Growing Teenager Diary) .. do leave me some comment / guide if can.. if interested can follow my blog...

Melinda said...

I'm glad I'm not a camera wielder. I just know I'm going to laugh next time someone gets their big lens out.

Anonymous said...

What about the product pusher blog? Ooh I make chocalates, rilletes, cupcakes, bread etc-yawn!

franzy said...

We've gone for the "review everything in bloody-minded sequential order", a la the guy going through each one of NY's 101 best sandwiches from that article and *gasp* discovering that they're all good (they're the "best" - duh?).

We're reviewing every restaurant in Adelaide's most restaurant-laden street: Gouger Street. I'd love to know what you think!

Tanya said...

I am a militant conscience pricking dreamy lifer in a very boring red brick suburbia.

Nola said...

Absolutely pure gold from you Steve - as always! Excellent peice mate, I'll be laughing for a while I suspect!

stickyfingers said...

Bravo! I've wanted to write a post like this but seriously lack your wit and deliciously acerbic humour. I identify myself in every category *dives under the couch*

May I suggest also:
The Opening of an Envelope Blogger

Conspicuous attendance at the launch of every new restaurant, bar, festival or hip social event. This purveyor of canapes and darling of PR agencies loves to rub shoulders with the journalists who ultimately deride them.

Another Outspoken Female said...

...and the ones who only drop by other blogs, not to actually read them but say "look at me...look at me" :)

Beaky said...

Ha ha! Love it!! I fall in to a few and can think of bloggers that fit the others!

GourmetGirlfriend said...

Love it.....

K_Bom said...

Yup, like you, I believe I fit into at least three of these categories. *hangs head in embarrassment* :-)

Kate said...

Love it Steve! I am there too...My Life is so Dreamy and Yours Isn't.. and maybe some others too, as I wield my camera everywhere.

Just don't forget that all is not how it seems, in blogland.

Anonymous said...

Or bloggers who dont list your blog on their side bar even though you know they trawl your own blog!

steve said...

Hi Katie-yes I recognise that blogger too!

Good to hear from you Rita!

Anon-I'm sure the irony in you remaining anonymouse whilst asking me to reveal the bloggers in question?!

Thanks for reading Mr Lonely

Hi Melinda-I have laughed out loud at just that scenario

Hi Anon-yes product blogs are a key offender!

Hi Franzy-some people are obsessive eh?

Hi Tanya- haha me too

Hi Nola-nice to hear from you

G'day Sticky-nice one! Also as sharp as a paper cut and as stinging as putting lemon juice on it!

Hi AOF-Yes too true, they only comment to link back to theior own blogs-sad sad sad!

Hiya Beaky-yes we're all guilty I suspect!

Hi GG-Thanks for reading!

G'day K-Bom-guilty as charged!

Hi Kate-Of course you're right!

Anon-Yes blogger etiquette is an ongoing issue

dillon said...

Geez Steve,I see me alot of that lis,esp the lollypop colours, and I don't even have a Blog. Whew, I better pull my head in.

Avid Reader said...

So funny and so true. The photography bit had me snorting with laughter.

The Gormless Farmer said...

I'm a serial blogger and will write inane prose surrounded by a myriad of unprofessional snaps on a varirty of topics, that I know very little about, in an authoritive way. I enjoy it, so it doesn't really matter what other people think of my blog.

Yours is a great blog, by the way. Keep it up.

Anonymous said...

What about the poncey, know-it-all name dropping twat? Or the wine w@nker who'll wax lyrical about the subtle citrus bouquet of a cold climate reisling versus the merits of a full-bodied "I'm picking up hints of cigar box, rotting mocassins and a bit of moist hessian from this delectable Cab Sav" brigade.

Apparently one such reviewer was disappointed with the lettuce leaf in a burger he had in Sandy Bay recently.

It's a fkn burger FFS!!!

Anonymous said...

Yikes! Its that GPhillips hating Reb again!

Emma said...

Love this :D

I can particularly resonate with:

My life is so dreamy and your isn’t.

There are a few American blogs I don't go to anymore because of this. Too depressing!

I will stay quiet on mine ;)

Nice work.

Anonymous said...

Or the blogs where only clones of the bloggee comment ie: those mummybloggers or tech geeks or 20 YO Malaysia women or